What's in My Heart
I remember when my childhood friend came out to our group that she and her husband were polyamorous. Everyone freaked out. I didn't. It's hard to choose something out of the norm or even experiment with doing something different, while the people who love you the most are super judgmental.
Where's the space where you can talk through all of the the thoughts, desires, frustrations that come from being in relationship?
It can feel impossible just to even air these thoughts.
This is why I became a relationship coach
Obviously polyamory isn't for everyone and that's the point.
In my work, we're going find what works for you.
Even if you do not know what that looks like right now,
but that's exactly what we will find out.
It's not all about finding the right configuration of a relationship.
It's about finding you too,
Rebel With A Cause
I’ve never fit the mold. Even though I’ve gone through my own cycles of trying. I always ended up being like Juliette Binoche’s character in Chocolate. The North Wind blows, calling me to the next port. Bringing beauty, joy, freedom, and vitality all while wearing my red shoes. I can feel like her daughter sometimes too. Pleading with her mother to just fit in! But it never works.
How Could It?
My first language was Astrology. I’ve lived in 12 states. Studied or worked in 5 European countries. Lived both on a working farm that doubled as an Ashram and in the biggest cities in the USA. I’ve been a writer, a performer, a mystic, a hospice death doula, a wife, a step-parent, a consciously-uncoupled divorcee, a co-parent, single, monogom-ish, monogamous and still have an insatiable curiosity for life.
None of that leads to a degree. But it does make me fluent in being human.
Something that our media-driven-culture would like us to believe is a tidy formula of checked boxes that lead to “happily ever after.” But if I hear one more song making me responsible for my partner’s feelings things could get explosive!
I know how to milk cows, bail hay, drive a tractor, and take care of hogs. I also am at home on the subway, know my bourbons by smell and love food so spicy I’m crying. AND I adore meditation, oracle cards, dreams, and the mystical Divine Feminine.
How will my life ever be mirrored back in a movie?
THE TRUTH IS IT WON’T. THERE IS NO PRESCRIPTION FOR LIFE.
And if we follow the one laid out for us there’s a good chance we will find ourselves lost by mid-life. Wondering what we did it all for.
Asking why we could have so much and still feel so in debt.
Here's the thing, I'm tired of seeing polished, educated women beg for a morsel of acceptance by bro culture.
The dividends of those morsels lead to soul starvation. There’s nothing wrong with your desires. You just need the time to figure out your formula for fulfilment.
Honestly, no outsider knows what that is. They don’t know what you’re getting out of staying or going in your relationships. Only you know that.
This is why I’m known for the gift of giving you back to yourself.
I know how to be steadfast so that you can put down the struggle, stop being emaciated in relationships, and start savoring the delectable desires that are your bespoke recipe.
Instead of suppressing raging, or gathering your revenge girlies you’ll learn to communicate in real time.
Think saying the word divorce would kill him.
Trust that compassionate honesty is the best medicine for everyone. With this as a foundation the most heart wrenching conversation can be liberation for all.
Now I....
Notice when I have a real need that’s not being heard. I don’t assume that he knows what I’ve said. I frame it as a question, “What is happening inside you when I ask about the repairs? Are you worried about something I don’t know?”
Know who I am, what my value is, what my standards are so clearly that all I do is state my response. I’m immovable internally. My presence does the heavy lifting.
Encourage other friendships, coaching, safety in communication, allow both of us to have all our feelings, gently call out when he’s trying to give me responsibility. This is a pressure release game changer!
Know my own dreams, passions, oddities and don’t put them on hold or make them quiet.
I used to...
Be resentful asking over and over for our house to get major repairs done. Keeping my mouth shut until I had a crazy making meltdown and it got done.
Think boundaries meant getting tough, pushing back, getting louder.
Romanticize being the only one who understood him without realizing that meant I was fully responsible for all his unhealed emotions.
Think being adaptable was my greatest super power.
Ok, embarrassing vulnerable shares ahead!
But here’s a peak into my own relationship revelations:
My motto is
“Let yourself be the best at being the worst.”
When I was taking dance lessons as a kid they told me I should quit. There was too much wrong with me and it was too late to fix it. Instead, I decided that I would be the best, worst one in the class! This took my own pressure off myself to be anywhere other than where I was at that exact moment. The girl two years younger than me kicking herself in the nose while I could barely get my leg off the floor didn’t bother me anymore. I learned about myself. I figured me out. That was the rocket fuel for an epic comeback.
As adults we forget to experiment. Mostly because we don’t have the time. Often because we think we should be somewhere we aren’t. Or we should just be ok with our lackluster relationship because well…he’s not an axe murderer and he’s an awesome dad.
People choose me over a traditional coach because I don't pressure you to have the answers. I create the sanctuary for you to get away from it all so you get to be the best at being the worst at relationship!
Highest Praise:
"I wish I had Eden in my pocket!"
Allergic To:
Unrequited love, sensationalized divisive relationship advice, mean spiritedness, lack of curiosity, indoctrinated fear.
Fan Of:
Long coffee chats, bookstores, journal addictions, Ginkgo Trees, Truffle oil on anything, intuitive dance.
My Treasures
My sensitivity, my adventurous spirit, my ability to be loving through chaos, those who walked in the dark with me.
Guilty Pleasure Movies/Shows:
Moulin Rouge
Leap Year
Thrupple
The Fall
When Harry Met Sally
Dangerous Liaisons (1988)
Books of Interest:
Want-Gillian Anderson
Braiding Sweetgrass-Robin Wall Kimmer
The Many Lives and Secret Sorrows of Josephine B-Sarah Gulliard
My Family and Other Animals-Gerald Durel
Shows and Movies
Easy
Sex Education
Midnight in Paris
Marriage Story
Arrested Development
Princess Monanoke
The Adjustment Bureau
Kives Out-Wake up Dead Man
Women I love Breaking the Mould
Montey Mader
Megan Watterson
Elena Meiers Taylor
Glennon Doyal
Alysa Lui
Valerie Kauer
Ayla Nereo
For Funzies
Reading:
Book of Lives: A Memoir of Sorts-
Margaret Atwoodd
Hot Baths and Candles
Obsessed With:
The benefits of AI in our creative and relational spaces.
Feeling conflicted about:
my own oracle deck and an immersive dream interpretation app experience
Working on:
getting cozy with all your raw life dreams and rediscovering your brilliance!